When we say: "We need to talk,” with an emphasis on ‘need’, we cause fear, dread, AND flight. The listener expects a one-sided discussion, and to hear a list of mistakes & errors. Instead, if we want a conversation, then engage the person with our words. Try this: “Let’s grab a coffee and catch up.” Or try this: “I would love your feedback, so when can we meet?” Instead of someone dreading the conversation, the new versions sound like invitations to talk.

When a conflict happens, we tend to focus on who is at fault. Let’s manage it, differently. Here is an example: You are in a conflict with a colleague and it has been going on for months. You may not remember how it started. You do know how you are feeling, upset and insulted. You also know it is the other person’s fault, so you wait for an apology. That happened to my client. She kept on waiting, and the silence continued. I suggested some tips about asking questions. The ne